Troubled Mind

It all started out so well. Vader and I went to Corellia for a relaxing getaway. It was the first time since our honeymoon in which we could spend a large amount of time alone without problems. As he would say, “things were…most impressive”. 

And then everything changed. 

I woke up one morning to find Vader gone and Captain Needa at my door reporting about a possible rebel attack nearby, and that we were supposed to wait for a transport back to Executor. Instead we ended up on some fodder Jake’s ship.

I’ve never been so frightened in my entire life. All I could think of was Vader, father and Cesera… and how I was so sure I’d never see them again. For the two weeks I was stuck on his ship, no matter what I did to try to escape, Jake was always one step ahead. When I tried to fight back, he’d respond ten times harder. By the time Vader, Dad and Bryce came to rescue Needa and myself, I was so broken down I could barely stand to defend myself.

Even though I’m back on Executor now, I still can’t get over what happened…. Vader put me on bed rest so I could properly recover from my injuries but it feels like a glorified prison more than anything. If he found me outside his quarters he’d just order me back to sleep. I even wore myself out going to the bridge in the middle of the night begging him to come to bed because I’m too frightened to sleep by myself, too frightened to be alone for too long. All I have are nightmares of what happened on Jake’s ship…I'd get chills from his leering; my arms would hurt from where he kept grabbing me; sometimes my face would sting from being struck so harshly; even my head would ache from him yanking me around by my hair. Cesera’s been so helpful, bringing dinner, coloring books, and even taking her naps with me so I’m not by myself all day. My father would bring me breakfast every morning before he went on duty. It really meant a lot….

…but Vader, the one person I need most, isn’t here…. I can’t get through this without him. I’m so apprehensive it’s unbearable.

He doesn’t understand what I’m going through. No one does…

Guess Who's Back

I finally found my way out from under the mean old admiral's bed and wow was that a cat nap. Everything seems so different! My wolf pals MeanOne, Kriffer, and Kiska are nowhere to be found... and now I can't find my owner!

The mean admiral (Okins) said my owner and her black robed...mate(?) went home to Corellia...and they didn't take me!!! This is a furry outrage! I miss running outside trying to nom on the grass and sleeping in my warm fluffy cat mat by the fireplace...

Someone will be scratched harshly for this!!

I guess I can make do chasing them mousy droids and jumping onto the awesome Admiral's cap while I wait. That's always fun...

How Quickly Time Flies

While sitting outside, it dawned on me that this month marks one year living on Executor. I could barely believe it for it seemed like only yesterday...

I had come on board to visit my father for the weekend. At the time it was just an ordinary visit. However it turned out a group of rebels had poisoned the food supply. A large number of the crew became severely ill, father included. I ended up spending nearly all of my time in Executor's medical bay helping him recover (and to prevent him from escaping).

Instead of just staying for the one weekend, I ended up remaining on board for about a week. I didn't want to go back to Coruscant until I was sure he was fully recovered. While I wasn't in the med bay, I ended up in Lord Vader's company more and more as the days wen on (Mind you we weren't married yet). He must have sensed how worried I've been. We were sitting in the observation lounge when I heard Dad's condition turned for the worse. I went into a panic, however Vader was able to calm me down to the extent that I ended up falling asleep in his arms.

I think that night our chemistry must have clicked...the next morning upon making sure I was alright, he requested that I stay on board. Permanently. For reasons I couldn't explain, I just couldn't say no....

Now one year later, I'm still finding myself lost among the ship's many identical corridors, tripping over mouse droids, and finding the food in the mess hall incredibly horrid.

Some things never change.

Home is Where the Heart Is

Vader and I were long overdue for some quality time together. So when he agreed to pull himself from duty, I took it upon myself to find the perfect spot for some rest and relaxation. I was torn. There were so many wonderful vacation spots throughout the galaxy for us to visit, and I've been longing to go back to Delaya where we spent most of our honeymoon. But after some consideration, I decided to take us to my home on Corellia. It's quiet there and if anything, I figured Vader could at least catch up on all of the sleep he's been lacking.

I haven't been to my home since the Jedi fodder @Rogue__Jedi tried killing my father last December. But now that he's gone, I've been able to fully enjoy myself. This place brings back so many memories, good and bad. I grew up in this house, and I'm excited to share a part of my past with Vader.

Although he's been spending nearly all of his time in bed, I'm glad Vader's finally able to unwind from his work. I haven't seen him this relaxed in a long time. It's going to be difficult to have to go back to Executor....

Depressed Housewife

Monday was Cesera's first day of school. It's also tied as the worst day of my life.

My poor baby was kidnapped by @NatasiDaala for reasons I can't explan...to be delivered to someone I don't yet know. I've never felt so guilty and heartbroken in my entire life. I should've known signing her up for school on Coruscant was a foolish idea. Cesera was so excited, determined to be around other children, to be as normal of a child as possible.

But none of that matters. She's who knows where by now...she could be sick...crying for her mommy, daddy...even banthy, and there's nothing I can do.

For me, things went worse when @501st told me Vader had left Coruscant to find her. Just like that, taking my father with him. At that moment, I truly felt alone, left to suffer through this horrid situation by myself. I don't know where my husband is...if he's alright...or even if he knows where my Cesera is in the first place....

Dear Force? Please protect my daughter... and bring all three of them home to me safe and sound...

It's too much to bear...

Place your Bets

I’m sure all of you ladies know what I’m talking about. There’s that one thing that happens in your life that you never tell to your father or else he’ll go kill someone…bust a blood vessel…both? Is it our fault our Daddies are so overprotective? Kriff…


Well I kept something big from my father. Was it the right thing to do? Not sure. Then again... my father isn’t the best to get along with lest be near when he’s severely pissed off. And what happened? Somehow he found out that Vader tried to kill me. He’s mad.

So mad he’s been ordering Vader back to the ship. And what’s our Sith lord doing? Avoiding him as long as possible… not for much longer, I can tell you that.

Guys…I'm worried. They don't exactly have the best Father-Son-in-law relationship...

                      


Vader
vs.
Okins







Place your bets...

Royal Pain in the Back

What stinks more than being stuck in bed? Try being stuck in bed alone and without perks for who knows how long…



Things were going fine. @Ensign_Korban was locked away in his cell; Vader had returned to the ship; Cesera was happy as could be. Until about three weeks ago. The pain in my lower back started to get progressively worse. I was ignoring it as best as I could until one night, @AdmiralOkins came to check up on me while I was cleaning up in the kitchen. Suddenly the pain was so horrible I could barely stand. He took me to the Med bay and had who knows how many droids come over and determine the cause of the pain. What did they find? Absolutely nothing. And then Vader found out what was going on. Well, after an argument with him, I did get out of becoming a permanent medical resident. Instead, Vader put me on bed rest. No strenuous activity, no cooking, no meditation, nothing. In other words… don’t get out of bed.

I’ll admit, the first two days weren’t bad. I read a few books, watched old holos, took plenty of naps, etc. But as the days went on, things got progressively worse. Aside from Dad and Cesera bringing me all of my meals, I haven’t seen anyone. Vader even took on extra shifts so nearly every night I fell asleep and woke up alone. One day, Cesera came in and asked why I haven’t moved in over a week…all I could say was “Mommy’s in pain. She can’t get up.” Cesera looked at me with such sad eyes. I felt so horrible at that point.

The very next day I went to see Shara at NavKor HQ to see if she could find something the medical droids couldn’t. According to her, I was suffering from muscle spasms. She gave me a muscle relaxer and told me to take it easy for a while. I asked Leia to care for Cesera and I went to visit Luke and Mara on Naboo for some relaxation (on his request). Although I was still restricted to what I could do, it was nice to be around people again. I was so lonely those last few weeks.

Don’t bust your back. It’ll only make your miserable.

Forever Scarred

I’ve seen Vader get dark, I’ve seen him get angry, and I’ve seen him kill. Mix it all together and it still couldn’t have prepared me for what happened only two months ago.

I can’t fully explain it myself since it all happened so quickly, but he grew so dark he lost control. He told me he was a danger to Cesera and myself if he stayed on the ship. Blinded by love I didn’t believe him so I was finally able to convince him to stay on board. Next thing I know, he was accusing me of adultery and pinning me to the wall with his hand grasping my throat. I finally got some strength and got him off, but I have never been more frightened of him in my whole life...
I begged and pleaded with him to stay, even if it were only for the one night. I needed him then more than ever before. I needed his presence, just to calm myself down. He laid with me until I fell asleep. I awoke the next morning to find he had already left. The following week was one of the worst in my life. He sent me a comm. saying he wouldn’t return until he learned to control himself. I was left wondering if and when that would happen. For a few days I truly believed he wasn’t coming back. I even tried leaving the ship for a few days to clear my mind. Unfortunately, all I could think of was Vader and I ended up coming home the very next day... *sighs* I don't know how my mother managed with father gone for so long. I wish she could share the secret with me...

Although I found in my heart to forgive him for what he's done, I'm still haunted by what took place. When Vader first returned, any time he became angry from work I've been backing away from him.... I feel awful now for doing so but I wasn't sure if he truly learned control or not. And even now, I've been waking in the middle of the night from nightmares about what happened...

To make matters even worse, once Vader left the Jedi from my past showed up with some crazy notion that I needed to be "purified" from the dark side. But because I've been emotionally compromised by the Jedi's tricks and Vader's prolonged absence I couldn't concentrate on the fight. There's a scar on my back from the large gash I received by his hands...it still hurts every now and then. I've wondered every now and then if I'd ever be strong enough to win in a fight on my own. The man's words cut in deep.

Vader took Cesera and I to Vjun for some security while the Jedi is detained on Executor. And while it's nice to get away from that monster, I feel Vader's still quite distant. He's been spending most of his time away or working. I want us to be able to patch these problems up and move on. I miss the way things were...

Mommy Dearest

Two months ago I returned from my honeymoon... if you walked up to me then and asked me if I wanted children, I would've said: "they're wonderful, but impossible for Vader and I to have". The whole whim of the Force thing...

It's two months later, and I'm the mother of a five year old girl. And before you ask, NO, Vader is NOT a vampire and I didn't carry a hybrid baby to full term in only two months. That's ridiculous. ((sorry Twilight fans. No dice))

To make a long somewhat complicated story short, Palpatine engineered her using mine and Vader's DNA specifically to replace Vader himself. Good news? She ran away from Palps. That's my girl!

She made her way to Vader's palace where Vader and I happened to be spending the night. Vader found her and did a DNA test and broke the news to me. I nearly fainted... 

I love her to death. She has the perfect mixture of her parents... including her father's sneakiness.

The one thing I didn't expect from her was to have so much energy. I swear she could go for days and days when she gets really hyper. It figures her favorite food happens to be cake. Any party she goes to, she gets hyper, then crashes for over a day... she must get that from her father... there's no way I had that much energy when I was five. 

I'm so happy she's entered our lives. She's definitely been our little shining star, and I'm so happy Vader can get the chance he always wanted with children. You really should see them together... 

We've definitely been blessed by the Force.

Blissful Week

Wow. It's been forever since I updated this. So much has happened since... well... the last post.


For starters, I had the pleasure of meeting Vader's mother, Shmi. I had a lovely time. Once I return to Coruscant I will have to pay her another visit.

About a week later, Executor traveled to the Emperor's Citadel on Byss where Vader and I renewed our wedding vows Sithly style, much to the discontent of Darth Sidious. Never trusting the Emperor. That’s all I’m going to comment about that.

The wedding reception was amazing. Lots of dancing, cake eating, and more dancing. Heck, even my dad went down to the dance floor. The image is still burned in my brain, but I got some sweet holo-footage of it all. Perfect for making demands… *smirk*

Here’s the “G” rated version of our honeymoon thus far, since most of it would be deemed WAY too much information for most you… ;)

While on Byss, we ate at some impressive restaurants and Vader took me shopping. I must say, the clothing designers there are quite odd…some of the styles nearly scared me out of the store.

On our last day on Byss, Piett came down from Executor and the three of us visited some Sithly ruins. They were really interesting, especially this one sand pillar. Vader told us there was immense Dark energy radiating from it, and those who touch it would get incredible power… but folklore of course. However when I was looking at it, I couldn’t help feel compelled to go closer to it, as if in some sort of trance. Luckily, I snapped out of it before it affected me too much, but it began affecting Vader in a much more powerful way. Good thing Piett and I were able to keep him from touching it… who knows what could’ve happened. It was the next day that Vader and I decided to leave Byss… too much darkness. 

The rest of our honeymoon is and will be spent on Delaya, near the remnants of Alderaan. It, like Byss, is a gorgeous planet. So far, we’ve had a delicious fruity picnic, stargazed, went to see a quirky theatre performance, and spent an evening swimming in the pool until our skin wrinkled up. I can’t wait to see what else we’ll be doing…

I know there’s still a few days left of our little paradise, but I’m a bit sad that it’s going to end. For the past eight days, I’ve felt like nothing could bring me down from this heavenly state that I’m in. But soon, I’ll be returning home. It’ll be nice to see all of my friends and family again, but I have this small feeling that something bad is going to happen…

Oh, by the way: did you know the best way to eat caviar is to lick it off your wrist? Vader confirmed that the other day...*giggle* It's a lot more fun to eat with two people...